Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
