is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
