Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
false alarm, still single
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