I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
