If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
