I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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