So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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