Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
