She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize