Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
