Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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