Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
