I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
