Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
