apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You are the jesus of drinking
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
