We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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