just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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