your thong is hanging out like whoa
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
