I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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