I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I could fuck to npr.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
