so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
