well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's official drugs can't kill me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
