Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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