im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
