I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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