She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
