does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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