don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize