Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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