Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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