Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
thus making me awesome and them whores
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
