3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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