the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
