make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
