I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
