considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
