I hate your face
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
