Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
