atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
