I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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