How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
