what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i now understand why vodka
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
