I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
