I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
