her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
