Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize