hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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