Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
