I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
