did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
