even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
