her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
