I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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