; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
