as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
