you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
