Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
