Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
