the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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