Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
