No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
