The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
