I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
