dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
