dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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