I need to stop coming to work sober
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
