If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
