i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
