Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
