i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
