Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
