Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
