it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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