During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
