just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
