Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
