I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
